Down in Albion

"Worst quality of life in the EU? Nooooo." By William Blake

And did those feet in ancient time

Walk upon England’s mountains green?

And was the holy Lamb of God

On England’s pleasant pastures seen?

And did the Countenance Divine

Shine forth upon our clouded hills?

And was Jerusalem builded here

Among these dark satanic mills?

Bring me my bow of burning gold;

Bring me my arrows of desire;

Bring me my spear; O clouds, unfold!

Bring me my chariot of fire!

I will not cease from mental fight,

Nor shall my sword sleep in my hand,

Till we have built Jerusalem

In England’s green and pleasant land.

"Gin in tea cups and leaves on the lawn; violence in dole queues and a pale thin girl with eyes forlorn." Down in Albion, 87,200 women and girls were arrested for violence last year. Just take a deep breath and think of Denmark...

It’s a good thing William Blake is dead isn’t it? Because the mental fight necessary to build Jerusalem would be bloody knackering; Britain has worst quality of life in Europe, according to a recent study.

And to add to the rosy glow of optimism that hangs over those pleasant pastures, the UN (The Telegraph emphasizes with a certain relish) recently shunted the country out of the list of top 20 most desirable countries in which to live. It’s now only just ahead of Slovenia and Andorra.

Now frankly most of these reports are rubbish; I mean has anyone been to Denmark? One of the best places to live in the world? I think not. Lots of pig farms, lots of windmills; lots of bleak countryside and lots of singularly charmless Danes. Denmark is a fucking dump.

But the news out of England isn’t just bleak because this is the Telegraph reporting it and you know, the Telegraph wished everyone could get back to wearing pith helmets and bayoneting Dizzee Rascal or something like that.*

The Guardian has just been gagged from reporting on Parliament. Now there’s a first.

The Guardian has been prevented from reporting parliamentary proceedings on legal grounds which appear to call into question privileges guaranteeing free speech established under the 1688 Bill of Rights.

The only fact the Guardian can report is that the case involves the London solicitors Carter-Ruck, who specialise in suing the media for clients, who include individuals or global corporations.

(So if anyone feels like calling or emailing the above and telling them what a bunch of twats they are, they can be found here: 6 St Andrew Street, London EC4A 3AE. Tel: +44 (0)20 7353 5005. Fax: +44 (0)20 7353 5553)

* Under a story on the rapper in the Torygraph a commentator writes furiously that “if it wasn’t for Political Correctness and positive discrimination this guy would still be looking for work.”

Because you know, consumers are forced by government diktat to buy his music and go to his shows, aren’t they… Ye Gods. I think that comment sums up the IQ of the paper’s readers pretty well.